It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
Randomize
