I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
Randomize
