Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
My underwear smells like fireworks.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
