i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Randomize
