Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Randomize
