Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Randomize
