He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
where are you?
Hypothermia
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
