puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Randomize
