were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
