M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
she pinky promised me she was 18
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
