we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
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