there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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