Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
I have demons in me.
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
Randomize
