fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Randomize
