I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
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I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
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Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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