If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
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