Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
