you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
