i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
there was a trapeze. enough said
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
