if you like me you must not know who I am
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
