I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
