Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
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