God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
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