I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
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