You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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