Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
