i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
that is very illegal...i love you.
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