but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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