It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
Randomize
