mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
I DEMAND FORESKIN
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
