Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
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