I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
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