went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
