You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize