just tell him i said nine months
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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