Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
