i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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