just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
