i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
her facebook's as public as her vagina
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
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