Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
