I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
Randomize
