Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Randomize
