Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
