I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
Randomize
