Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
Randomize
