Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
Why did my mother make you get naked?
Randomize
