She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Randomize
