My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
This is the high leading the old right now
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
we're so committed to being not committed
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
Randomize
