I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
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