nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
Randomize
