did you get engaged???
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
Randomize
