Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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