The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
now i know why i became what i already was.
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
