Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
