I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
We're too hungover to prance.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
