so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Randomize
