People in love make me want to vomit
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
Randomize
