I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
