were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
