How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
Randomize
