Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Randomize
