Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
Randomize