she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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