We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Randomize
