smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
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