friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Randomize
