i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
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