another moral hangover. fuck.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Randomize
