the new term for farting is butt boxing.
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
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